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yeah i know it's nasty cause it has a buttcrack in it..but i like this sun and moon.
it's another idea for a tattoo..i just won't get it right there..eww | comments: Leave a comment   |
| LJ just called and was like, "Yeah..I think I'm gonna have to take a rain check on dinner tonight. Jake called and was like, Hey let's go to the Kentucky Durby..I'll pay for whatever..you just have to pay for your own gas." I was like, "oookay..". How weird is that? Pretty weird. He's driving all the way to Kentucky. I swear..boys. They are just retarded sometimes. I was really excited about hanging out with him tonight. And he won't be home until Sunday..so I guess no USC for Jessi & me. I don't like getting blown off..it sucks. It makes me feel like shit. Oh well.
Anyway, school sucked today. I didn't want to be there at all. Senioritis has hit me hardcore this week. I fucking hate highschool. I fucking hate the people that go to my highschool. And I fucking hate the teachers and the classes I have to take. Wow. I'm complaining too much. I better stop.
14 days until my birthday! How exciting?!
<3 | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | MotionCitySoundtrack | | Current Location: | work | | Security: | | | Subject: | L.G. Fuad | | Time: | 05:26 pm | | Current Mood: |  crampy |
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| Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.
I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.
(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.
I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don't get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life..
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...
(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.
Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.
God damn the liquor store's closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Jynx me something crazy
Thinking if it's three
then I'm as smooth as the skin
rolls across the small of your back
It's too bad it's not my style
If you need me
I'm out and on the parkway,
patient and waiting for headlights,
dressed in a fashion that's fitting to the
inconsistencies of my moods
It's times like these, where silence means everything
And no one is to know about this
It's a campaign of distraction
and revisionist history, oh
It's a shame I don't think that they'll notice
It's a shame I doubt they even care
No one is to know about this
It's a shame I don't think that they'll notice
It's a shame I doubt they even care
Don't let me down
But whatever I have been gettin' myself into
has been slicing inches from my waist
It's my fist vs. the bottle
(and thank god you weren't there..)
And that's how bad could this hurt
or against I won't feel a thing
(and thank god you weren't there..)
I tell you all about it
It's just not working out
(..to watch me hit bottom)
not working out
It's a campaign of distraction
and revisionist history, oh
This is why we were taught so much better than this
This is what living like this does | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Night is like a dark blanket
with holes punched in it.
The night always reminds me of you
and of our deepest secrests.
Our shadows are as big
as our hearts
as we walk down these empty streets.
The stars shone so bright that night,
that I swear I'd never need to see the sun again.
We sat on that wooden bench
underneath the oak trees
and talked about life.
I felt the cool breeze of March
on my neck
and all at once I realized
that I could never leave. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| If I'm going to get a tattoo, this is what I would get.
Except..it would just be the skull & crossbones..not the black shit around it. And I would get it right below my hip bone.
kbye. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Gin Blossoms<3 | | Current Location: | work | | Security: | | | Subject: | Hey Jealousy | | Time: | 08:03 am | | Current Mood: |  drained |
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| Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy
And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Yeah. The black hair is coming back. Most def.
*Prom = Hot date, friends, fun, lots and lots of drinking.
*18th birthday = belly button piercing, possibly a tattoo, lots and lots of drinking.
*Graduation = LOTS AND LOTS OF DRINKING.
*Collge = Trident Tech.
I'm going and nothing is going to stop me.
♥ | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Spring break has been fun and all, but it's just not the same without being at the beach, you know? I mean, I don't even have enough money to go to Charleston to see Lisa AND the beach. I was broke as a joke until yesterday. My dad could only give me $10 on monday for food for the entire week and gas if I really, really needed it...it lasted until tuesday. I hate this. It sucks. I mean, we've never, under any circumstances, been even close to "rich", but we've never been this broke. Even when my parents split and my mom took basically everything. It scares me. This is why I'm determined to make it through college. My dad can't get another good job because he never went to college. It's such a big deal now, but it wasn't back then. I can see why he pushes me and gets mad when I make bad grades. I don't know. It's just scary. I had to buy groceries last week..and all that I could afford were a couple cans of beanie weenies, 2 jugs of water, milk, and some soup for my dad. Like, I feel helpless. I mean, I'm sure that helped him out some, but where did that leave me by Thursday? BROKE. I know I'm complaining too much, but it just sucks. You know? And I don't want to say anything to my mom because then she'll think that my dad can't handle feeding me and taking care of me and she'll try to get me to live with her all the time...fuuuckk that. I'd shoot myself before I'd live with Chad every damn day. I'd go nuts.
But, on a lighter note, yesterday was 4*20..yeah..y'all know what that means. And if you don't..then you're stupid. But, yeah..anyway, I was fucking fried last night. I mean, y'all have no idea. It was amazing. I shouldn't have driven to Brittney's house, but I did anyway. Justin rolled this fat..and I mean fat ass blunt..and we all smoked that. Then I packed a bowl and we smoked that..then we smoked out of the bong..dammmn..that's all I have to say. Plus I had just taken my effexor so I was already relaxed from that (cause it's my anxiety medicine) then smoking? man..it was the best feeling in the world.
Okay..on to something else..I've been confused about a lot of things..well, not really a lot, but I've just been confused about some things. It's hard to explain and I don't want to explain on here and I don't really need to talk about it right now anyway so I don't know why I even said anything.
Okay..so I'm pretty dead set on going to Trident Tech. I called them yesterday and they didn't answer so I left a message with my name and number, but they haven't called back. So I'm going to call again today on my lunch break and ask them about everything. I'm so excited. Yesterday I was so nervous just leaving a message. I really, really, really want to go. I think it's an opportunity I can't pass up. I think it would be really good for me to get out and get on with my life. I'm so excited!
Well, that's all for now!
♥
Oh..and to top that..my Nana had a stroke on Wednesday. She's been in the hospital ever since. I went to see her last night and I just wanted to cry. Dad said that she's doing better, but I saw no improvement. She can walk with very little help, but she's still slurring her words. Her left side of her mouth is still sagging a little. And basically, it's just her left side that's giving her problems. She was trying to open a straw and I just wanted to grab it and open it for her because she was getting frustrated and I just..I don't know. I don't like to see her like this. I really don't. It's my Nana. They said that she *might* be able to come home Sunday..they said *might* about coming home yesterday too. I don't know. And I mean, she doesn't know how to answer questions really. It takes like, 2 or 3 times asking her a question for her to respond with the correct answer. She can answer anything about her past, how long she's been married, how old she is, her children and grandchildren's names, all that stuff, but anything that's going around her right now, she has trouble with. Like, we were watching TV and someone was changing the channels and Susan asked her if she knew where she was at and she said,"channel 3" and I don't know..it just bothers me. It hurts to see her like that. Okay, well that's all I can say about it right now..later gators..* | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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saving_for_rain's journal
ARRGGGH!!!
weird
happy
apathetic
bored
awake